Tracy Green just launched a new website, www.smartworkingmom.com.  Her site is worth a look if you have a minute.  This week, she emailed me and also left a comment on my blog.  I’d like to share them both with you because I think you’ll relate to what she’s saying.

 Email:  “I applaude you!  It was so refreshing to see a website that makes it okay for moms to work, and want to work and celebrates those who do!  I’m emailing to ask your permission to list www.sixfiguremomsclub.com as a  HOT LINK on my evolving website:  www.smartworkingmom.com.  I’m a full-time, plus working mom of two boys and enjoy having a career. My issue became that I was in complete control and successful at the office, but at home — forget it! I was out of my element.  (Snipped)

 Blog Comment: ”First, this is such a dynamic site! Finally, a site that doesn’t try to help moms get over whatever “guilt” they have for working. In terms of the one thing that I’m grateful for this Thanksgiving, OPPORTUNITY — the opportunity to have it all, career, family, health, success, etc. Best, Tracy”

Tracy points out three major issues for Six Figure Working Moms:  Judgment, Guilt and the ability to successfully juggle everything.  In her email, Tracy says it’s refreshing that my website makes it okay for mom’s to work.  Absolutely!  In my mind, it’s okay for a mom to do whatever she wants as long as she’s making choices that are healthy for herself and her family.  It’s so hard for us to remember not to judge each other isn’t it?  We women are our worst enemies.  I catch myself judging other women’s choices all the time and having to remind myself that it’s really none of my business.  Try it for one week.   Be on ultra alert for when you are judging others and ask yourself why.

The second issue Tracy points out is Guilt.  Why DO we feel guilty about working and wanting things for ourselves?  It doesn’t really matter why because it’s a phenomenon that’s been around for as long as women have been working and it’s not likely going away.  I say this because acknowledging guilt as a normal part of being a working mother sometimes makes it a bit more palatable.  Sure, there are some days when it bothers us more than others.  For me, those are the days when I need to readjust my calendar, reroute my priorities and spend more time with my daughter.  My guilt is a pretty good barometer if I use it and understand it correctly. 

Lastly, Tracy discusses that she had everything perfectly oiled at work but things were falling apart at home.  Sound familiar?  There really are only so many hours in the day and you’ve got to remember that balance is required when you’re living your life in the fast lane of career and home life.  You have to allow room for error when your operating at this fast pace.  If someone gets sick or something unexpected happens, your plan will get off kilter so plan for that as a normal part of your routine.  It will undoubtedly happen.  If you expect it, it won’t be such a surprise and will be a little easier to deal with.

“If you only get to give one answer, what ONE thing are you most grateful for?” 

My answer is STRUGGLE.  I’m so thankful for the struggle I have in my life and for so many reasons.

• Struggle makes me continue to grow and think about things from a multitude of perspectives.
• Struggle reminds me that I’m alive.
• Struggle highlights that if things are always easy that I’m not stepping up enough and that I’ve become complacent.  That’s not who I am.  I should be struggling with something.  I’m a change agent and that means that there should be struggle in my life…in every aspect.  That means there will be struggle in my relationships, my career, inside me.
• Struggle is my friend and my ally. If I forget that and let it make me feel down, then that is a sign that I’m not taking good care of myself.
• Struggle is my daughter’s friend too.  She is a lot like her mother.  I must remember who she is and how she is wired and remember that she will struggle with me and that it’s not personal.  It is her path too.

So, yes, my answer my seem a bit strange to you and that’s okay with me.  I want you to think about YOU at your CORE.  What are you truly grateful for about YOU?

YES, I’m grateful for so many other things too.  My daughter, my husband, my family, my friends, my strength, my health, my good fortune, my business, flexible work, work life balance, social media, all the inspiring entrepreneurs I’ve met, and the list goes on and on.  I’m a very, very lucky girl and with a friend like struggle, it’s important for me to stop, sit and remember all these things on a regular basis.

And lastly, let us not forget the comedic one:  TWITTER.  I’m thankful for my affair with twitter.  Yes, it’s still on and it’s hot and heavy.  I’m still in love with twitter and our relationship continues to blossom.

I wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving.  I hope you will take a few moments and reflect upon your own struggles, how purposeful they are for you and the wonderful treasures they bring to you in the end.  Be well. Be safe.

If for some reason, you happen to spending this Thanksgiving season alone or in a sad spot or if you are outside of the United States, visit my friend Gail Goodwin’s site at Inspire Me Today.  She’s always got something uplifting to say  

(P.S. Gail is about to make a huge global annoucement about an initiative we’re working on together. Stay tuned and SHHHHH until then.)

I’m truly amazed at feedback I’ve received in response to my post on Proposition 8: Why Should the Majority Get to Choose How the Minority Lives?. In addition to the 16 comments on the blogpost itself, I’ve received emails, phone calls, twitter tweets & direct messages, facebook messages, phonecalls and people walking up to me to chat. It’s been so enlightening. Below are some demographics about the folks that have reached out to me:

• 90% of the group voted no for Prop 8.
• Most of them have someone in their family that is gay and therefore directly affected by the law.
• Most were frustrated that a Utah constituency directly contributed money to the passing of a California law.
• A small % felt that the church should decide who was “married”.
• Many mentioned their concern that our children would be taught to hate minorities as a result of this law passage.
• Some didn’t have any direct ties to anyone Gay but were a minority and related to minority causes. Thus, wanted freedom for all.
• Everyone wants to know if I think there’s anything they can still do now to make a difference.

As for me, I’m disappointed that I didn’t write my post a month earlier and that I didn’t do more to influence the defeat of this proposition. Why? Because I think the public was miseducated, scared and that it passed for all the wrong reasons.

I am a straight, married, white female. So, why am I so impassioned about this topic? I want my daughter to grow up understanding equality and love for all…not hate and I feel that discrimination teaches hate. I grew up in a small town where very few black families lived. My grandparents had very racist views that just never sat well with me. I wish that bias could be erased for my daughter’s children. Additionally, focusing our energy on topics like this takes our focus away from solving what I see as more important topics like promoting flexible work for all of you.

There are things you can still do if you’re interested in being a Proponent of No on Proposition 8.

1. See this great blog at After Ellen which contains some great celebrity pictures and stories.
2. This Saturday is National Protest Day. Check out JointheImpact.com for more information about how you can participate in this national event.
3. Join the When/If Prop 8 Passes, We’ll Do Something About It Facebook group.

Lastly, I think this video says everything there is to know about this topic. Please take the short 4 minutes it takes to watch it.

Refuse to Hate from Refuse to Hate on Vimeo.

I haven’t ever talked with my mother about Twitter but she reads my blog so I guess she knows about the affair. Likely, she thought she better get more informed to see if an intervention is necessary

My mom has never been the stay-at-home, PTA president type. She’s always worked and been a career woman. Over the years, I’ve wished that she had stayed home with me and sometimes resented that she hadn’t. This summer, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about my relationships with the people in my life. This included the one with my mother. As you guys know, mother-daughter relationships are always complex. We daughters put a lot of pressure on our mothers don’t we?  I often think about what’s coming back to me from my daughter in the future…I’m sure in volumes to the nth degree.

What my summer of reflection has brought me to with my mom is that she supports me in all kinds of ways. Ways that are her own. No, she’s not a PTA mom but that’s not who she is. As I wrote in my last post, this seems to be the age of authenticity. My mom’s been living that message for a long time. She’s been steadfastly her as long as I can remember…Independently Nina. Here I am striving to be as clean and real as I can be and I’ve had a role model doing it right in front of me for as long as I’ve been alive. What do you know?

My mom gave me the coffee cup in the picture above sometime during my sophomore year in college. I’ve had it in every office I’ve ever had. She likely never knew how many times I shut my door, grabbed it during a tough afternoon in the office, had a soothing cup of tea in lieu of losing my temper over a negotiation gone sour. It really is the little things that keep us going sometimes isn’t it?

So, this week, I’ve received another new gift from my mom. One that, until now, she didn’t know how much it means to me. Because, after all, I’m really in love with Twitter and the magnitude of it’s power for all working moms and business owners.

My mom is following me on Twitter. Amazing! Thanks for everything Mom!

(Note, my moms twitter name isn’t Angiesmom.  I’ll protect her a little until she gets the hang of things.  Didn’t want her to have 500 followers overnight!  You can, however, follow me @aaswartz on Twitter)

Lately, I’ve been around the ocean more than usual and I’ve been paying attention to the sounds, the colors and noticing just how entirely FREE all this beauty is. How is it possible that I don’t do this all the time? Why haven’t I grabbed my husband and gone for a long walk on the beach at night under a full moon? How romantic of a date would that be? Instead of agonizing over planning the perfect evening, why don’t we just jump in the car with a few blankets and a picnic and hang out at the beach?

Well, I guess the answer to that is that my daughter is 3 1/2 and I’ve been a bit busy for the past almost 5 years. Yes, I guess I have been busy…working through, first a career transition, next a pregnancy, next nursing and then my mommy transition but who am I to complain. How about you? What’s your excuse for not seeing the beautiful places around you?

My question to you is When was the Last Time You Kicked Your Kid to the Curb? What do I mean you ask? Well, I talk to moms all the time that haven’t really spent much time away from their children. I’m hear to offer you permission. I want to ask you to open your minds to the free and beautiful opportunities that might be right outside your office or kitchen windows. What can you do that’s right in your backyard for free? Isn’t it time that you got back to your relationships a bit. You know, the place that you started in the first place?

Call me crazy…but just a thought….

I purposely didn’t write about 9/11 yesterday. Not that I didn’t want to honor the monumental event that occured seven years ago and to pay respect to the lives lost and the families affected but I wanted to avoid contributing to the negative energy that would inevitably be evoked by remembering. Like most of you, I remember exactly what I was doing that morning. It was three weeks before my wedding day.

Despite my efforts to stay positive, my day yesterday got off to a rocky start. Could the universal energy pool be off this morning? Is everyone’s energy is so negatively charged due to their memories of 9/11? I wonder…

In addition to the World Trade Center anniversary, my father was having some major surgery and I was distracted and worried about the outcome (All considered, he’s fine, thanks for asking but do keep him in your thoughts for the next few days please).

Uncharacteristically for me though, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and had a rough time shaking it. Remember, I’m on vacation, in a beautiful spot so this is pretty unlikely. My day progressed and I implemented things that usually help me jumpstart myself and get me out of a negative funk. I talked with friends and family, did a few things to create some order around my environment, exercised, got outside and experienced nature, etc. Nothing was really helping. Later in the afternoon, i got a massage from a skillful and super positive therapist. Her energy was contagious and my spirits started to turn a bit. I walked the three miles back to my lakehouse passing at least ten deer along the way. This too helped. I was definitely turning the corner.

When I arrived back at the lakehouse, I sat on the dock for a few hours with my daughter while she sang songs for me and danced around. The sun was setting and the temperature was perfect. Two loons also sang their songs off in the distance. Loons are amazing birds. We don’t have them where I live in Southern California and I’m always in awe of them when I visit their regions.

We had all survived 9/11 despite the negative energy of the day. Dusk was reminding us that tomorrow would be better and I was so thankful for the message.

But, let me say I could have chosen to take another message from the great evening. Earlier in the day, I had returned my rented ski boat. Looking out from the dock, the lake water was like glass. The absolute best ski conditions I had seen since I arrived on this lake but I had no boat. To a waterskier, this can be pure torture. I knew that if I still had my boat, I could be getting in the best ski runs of the year. This could have been the opportunity for me to let my negative energy overtake me again and easily go back into that space. However, what can you do but live in the moment? I had made it through the day. My daughter was singing and asking me to film her, “Make another movie mommy” with my digital camera and I just had to laugh at the irony of it all. Glassy lake water and all. Life serves us lessons every day. What we learn is our choice. The lessons are within us. I chose to look at my kiddo and bask in how lucky I really am. The opportunity for skiing on perfect waters will undoubtedly surface again in my life. Conversely, the opportunity to film my daughter doing an almost perfect rendition of Mick Jagger singing, “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” at age 3 1/2 will not. My blessings are overwhelming if I really let myself think about them.

So, negative energy, thank you for serving me up a tortuous day, as I know I will be thankful and appreciative of the joy that comes tomorrow. I don’t allow myself to have a bad day very often but I’m admitting it here for one reason. I know some of you might have had one too. If you did, give yourself a break, tomorrow’s a new dawn, you’ll do better, just like I will.

Some of you readers might remember from my Staycation post that I’m not a fan of staying home for summer vacation, so now I’ve embarked on quite the opposite, an 18 day marathon trip.  I’ll do my best to bring you along if you’re interested.  My posts will likely be more personal in nature over the next three weeks so that’s what you’re in for if you’re planning to play along.

After 12 hours of mostly uneventful flights (something I’m extremely grateful for given I was traveling with my 3 ½ year old daughter, tired husband and 2 impending hurricanes), I stepped out of the Syracuse airport last night around 9:30 to what seemed like 200% humidity.  Although I grew up in the midwest, lived in the southeast and have traveled around the US with my previous jobs for years, I had forgotten what crazy humidity feels like.  I do NOT like to be hot unless there is water around to jump into.  Anyway, hoisting luggage into the back of the jeep, I’m drenched in sweat and my daughter starts to to cry that she’s ready to go in the house….NOW.  This continues for the rest of the two hour drive to our destination.  You know how fun that is.

Alas, we arrive and we get out of the car at Grandma’s house, the weather has changed and there is an incredible, cool breaze blowing.  Her house could be on the front of a Currier and Ives post card as it sits on a hilltop surrounded by tall, billowy trees that welcome you with their swaying branches saying “Hello and Nice to Have You”.  Thousands of singing crickets set the background.  I look up and there are SO MANY STARS.  There is certainly something to be said for rural, middle America where there are no city lights because the view of the stars is JUST amazing.  It takes only a few minutes to see a shooting star.  I walk around on the property savoring the moment knowing that I’m right where I’m supposed to be.  I can hear the sound of my daughter’s voice inside chasing a kitten around the house.  Staycation??  No thanks, not for me.  My Joy Barometers just won’t go for that.

So, working moms, how delightful, an opportunity for a rebirth…and one that you weren’t even expecting at that. Now, what will you do with it? What’s laying around that you need to deal with, clean up, reinvent, put to bed, step up to, etc? I’ve been in the mode to stepping up to my issues for the past several months. It sure has been draining and painful but also rewarding beyond compare. Can I help you be courageous to put your toe in the water just a little? No risk, no reward right? Whether you need to reengineer your career, work on a family relationship, improve communication with your husband or your kids, work on self image or just plain get to know yourself again…you’ve been served up permission in the form of Labor Day (aka New Years). Again, I ask you, What WILL you do with it?

So I’m sitting there in awe of this family’s incredible talent and a sudden realization washes over me.  The gift of love that has arrived for my client is only partially for her. There is a bigger purpose at work here.   My friend is being blessed with love so that she can be strong enough to grow and use her new level of personal power to influence and support her children to help them get to a higher level of their own personal best.  Oh my!  I was overwhelmed with emotion witnessing the greatness of the moment.   She’s been incredibly strong for them all these years but her supply was running low and so the world gave her new fuel.  Go forth and prosper my friend.  I look forward to your next chapters.

And for you single, working mothers, take note, this could be you soon too.