Working Mothers, Do You Put Your Kids Faces on the Internet?
A concerned friend called me this week to ask my opinion about putting her children’s pictures on social media sites like Facebook. She knew I had strong opinions about this topic but wanted to discuss pros and cons of both sides of the issue with me. I relayed my thoughts to her as follows:
- I don’t publish pictures of my daughter on the internet….period. Not anywhere.
- Since this has not always been my policy so I ask friends and family to alert me if they come upon a picture that I’m not aware of so that I can promptly remove it.
- I don’t use my daughter’s given name when writing about her and my family. I’m sure there are people I meet in the public who ask her name and I answer. However, with regard to the internet, I don’t publish her name.
- I advise my friends not to publish their children’s pictures or names on the internet.
- I realize there are times when I may be in the public eye and events covered by the media may include pictures of me and my daughter. I will limit my daughter’s exposure when I can but realize this is inevitable.
You might be thinking, “But Angie, you of all people are a Social Media Evangelist who is having an affair with Twitter, How can you be so against using one of it’s best features to share joy with loved ones and friends?”. My answer to your question is a simple one. There’s no possible way that I can conceive of the same thoughts that a child killer/abuser can. I don’t think it’s possible for me to rationally assess the situation because that would require me, being able to stand in the shoes of the exact person that is a threat to my child. It’s just not possible. Thus, I am unprotected, because I live in a world of false security. I do believe there are wackos out there living in society ready to snap at any minute. I can’t protect myself or my family from them 100% but I can take the proper precautions and these are some of them, why wouldn’t I?
If you need more convincing, just read this article about how the US Army is worried that terrorists might use Twitter as a competitve war advantage.
9 Responses to “Working Mothers, Do You Put Your Kids Faces on the Internet?”
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Angie – thank you. I think this is such a smart policy. Please keep reminding us. I realized I had forgotten – even thought I agree with you. My high school reunion is coming up so there’s been a lot of Facebook activity. Someone asked me to post a kid picture and I did! Without thinking! It’s gone now – thank you.
Angie – thank you also! I always have the same concerns. I saw an episode of Oprah recently that heightened them even more.
I have shared pictures with friends via sites like Picasa that allows them to view recent vacations and family events and I have wondered about doing this as well. They are web-based, so it is the same accessiblity as facebook. I think I will remove them. And after reading your blog, I feel it is the best choice. Sharing in this forum on this topic reaffirms my choice to protect them as much as possible and feel good about doing so!
While I can appreciate these opinions I’d like to offer an alternative view. Before I established a blog of photos of my family I researched this topic. Here’s what I found:
* “Of the roughly 800,000 children reported missing every year, about 100 are kidnapped by strangers intending to harm them”. Source: Newsweek, January 2007). More data corroboration of this can be found here http://www.infoline.org/Inform.....n%20fj.asp and http://www.tcadsv.org/Websites.....uction.htm as well as the FBI.
This rate is down significantly from the 200 to 300 cases that occurred per year in the 1990’s. Today’s rate translates to a .0125% chance that your child could be abducted by a stranger. That’s little comfort to the parents of the 100 children abducted each year, I know, but that’s a very, very low likelihood of occurrence.
We know that “dog bites man” is not news but “man bites dog” is. The exceptions make the headlines. I feel it is important to know the facts here because headlines have caused parents to focus on the wrong thing. Here are some more facts:
* 90% of child victims (of sexual assault) know their offender, with almost half of the offenders being a family member. (Source: Megan’s Law website http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov/facts.aspx)
* Abuse typically occurs within a long-term, ongoing relationship between the offender and victim and escalates over time. (Source: Megan’s Law website http://www.meganslaw.ca.gov/facts.aspx)
* David Westerfield was a family friend and neighbor of the Van Dams’. He did not find Danielle’s photo on the internet.
Let’s not let media’s need to sell advertising drive where we focus our attention. “Stranger danger” is a valid concern if you worry about the .0125% case. I prefer to worry about the 90% case and wish that our educators, our friends and our government would help us prevent this far more likely scenario.
The very sad truth is that we parents are the mostly likely people to introduce our children to a potential perpetrator.
I’m not so sure I agree, Angie, and I may be the lone dissenter. I know this is one more precaution we can take to protect our children, and I see where you’re coming from. However, I think it sends out an energy frequency of fear. I don’t want to put my energy into what I DON’T want to happen. I’d rather focus my thoughts on what I DO want. What I DO want is connection and community, and sharing my experiences as a mother, including photos and my son’s name, feels like energy going in that direction.
I suppose you might argue that once you’ve protected yourself, say by taking down all photos and changing the name in all posts, you don’t have to think about it anymore. But … if you went to all that trouble, aren’t you still going to be wondering where else those pics and names might show up? If so, then you’re still putting energy into worrying about what creepy person out there might have ill-intentions. That’s fear. And you may be attracting exactly what you don’t want.
Our family policy is that we never put photos of our kids on the net, period. Our reasoning is similar to what you have mentioned. Good article!
I have my Facebook account set up so that only my friends can see my pictures of my family (NOT even friends of friends can see them). And my “friends” are actually my friends. They are people I actually know offline (except for 1 or 2). I would not publish the pics if I allowed people I did’t actually know to become friends.
Other than that, if I ever publish an occasional photo of my kiddos online I make sure the view of thier faces are obscured. They are either too far away to be clearly made out, taken from the back, or from a sharp side or top angle. They would not be recognizable by these pics.
I do NOT use thier real names online in public areas. All of my children have “blognames.” My readers who know us personally can easily recognize them by thier “blognames” and for those who don’t know us I wrote a post early on (now archived) which describes thier personalities using thier “blognames.”
I feel my childrens’ identities MUST be protected, and yet I have found a way to still allow myself to occasionally “show off” my kiddos with pics that give a vague idea of what they look like without clearly revealing thier faces.
This is my “happy median.”
I do not publish my kids photos. I’m not a fear-freak. I just don’t think about it. My kids are my kids. My friends and close colleagues that know me personally probably know what my kids look like, but why is that important anyways? My presence on the web is either business related or personal to me as a woman (not as a mom); therefore, I see no need to publish anything about my kids.
I am, however, a very trusting person. I don’t ever think about the freaks that might be “out there” until someone else mentions it and then I think “uh, yeah, I’m sure there are”. But I find it funny that I don’t ever think of it, and yet others obsess over it. What has created this dichotomy? And yet, our actions and decisions may be the same (i.e. neither one of us publish photos of our kids). Interesting.
Honestly, I think the true freaks out there are not mentally organized enough to spend hours online seeking out pictures of kids, to dig and find out where they live, and then follow up to do some harm. (of course, we can all think of exceptions!) I think, logically, a real pervert is going to simply step outside his/her home and look for all the opportune moments surrounding them from unsuspecting parents in public. Just my opinion. Wrong, I may be….
Great article, Angie-sorry about the late reply!
I do my best not to put my children’s photos online. Am I a paranoid parent? Hell, yes-when it comes to the Web! As far as the Internet is concerned, I am online more than I am offline and I know what is out/in there. I am not a paranoid parent about most things, but the Internet is a different beast. Most people have no clue how dangerous the cyberworld is. It isn’t simply about kidnappers and child molesters, it is also about identity theft, privacy and other things that does not spring to mind for many people right away when talking about children and the Internet.
We (society) give our kids cellphones and curfews and all kinds of other protective devices to shield them from the dangers of the ‘dark alleys’ of our streets, but we merrily let them roam free online, where the dangers are such that even seasoned parents are easily fooled and reeled in(think: ‘cool’ movie sites, incredible discount offers, must have laptop/shoes/book, latest gossip about Britney and Brad).
Of course, we mustn’t live in a bubble, but we can certainly do the best we know how to protect and educate our children about the Internet. And as you mentioned, Angie, the first step is to refrain from posting their pictures everywhere we hang out online. I wouldn’t take my kids to most of my friends’ parties (business or otherwise), why would I be stupid and take my kids to all the social networking sites I hang out in!!?
p.s.
http://tinyurl.com/6zl4rr: Listen to the last 1/3 of the audio on KPCC.org’s Larry Mantle’s show about the case of the cyber-bully Mom.